Breaking the Chains of Masculinity: Challenging Societal Expectations and Embracing Men’s Mental Health
While society may be working hard to help uplift us and enable us to freely open up about the state of our mental health, more questions need to be asked about the socially constructed roles enforced to keep us shackled to the status quo. While a man may be on the brink of life, weighed down by the ever-growing list of expectations and responsibilities, he is still expected to carry the burden of ill-defined masculinity. Studies have shown that men in the UK are less likely than women to access mental health services and are more likely to die by suicide. This is partly due to the societal expectation that men should be strong, emotionless, and self-reliant, which can prevent them from seeking help when they need it. What more will it take to accept that this idea of masculinity is dangerous?
Our position in this world has been so deeply carved into the hard stone of life that any variation of this is deemed as an attack on our right to be called men. We are bound by a set of rules and regulations to accept that we must find strength in our silence and fulfil our duties like soulless soldiers appearing unaffected by the hardships of life. But why?
Led by my beliefs, I am convinced to be just, show integrity and dignity, and love others. But nowhere does it say that men should not cry, seek help, or show their pain to the world. It does not define our role based solely on our ability to provide financially, and it certainly does not limit domestic roles and active parenting to women. So, who was it that decided what being a man should look like? More importantly, should this image be upheld if it is only serving to destroy the gender that is expected to be seen as unbreakable?
From my own experience, I can attest that the impact of not being able to be who I naturally am without judgement, on top of being expected to carry my struggles without complaint, has been damaging to my mental health. My daughter was born 11 weeks premature. Every day I attended the NICU and watched over her as she was forced to complete her development outside of the safety of her mum’s womb. I held her small fragile body. Every millimetre of her skin pressed gently against mine. I watched as her shoulders rose and fell quickly with each breath. From those early days, we created a bond so strong, so unbreakable that, to this day we hate being apart from each other. I make my children’s breakfast, take them to the doctor when needed, and ensure every area of their development and well-being is taken care of. And whilst this comes very naturally to me, on revealing this to a friend, she absentmindedly stated how lovely it was that I felt so comfortable playing such a maternal role in my children’s lives. Over a decade of fatherhood whittled down to playing the role of mum.
We should all be questioning the standards of masculinity and asking ourselves if what has been defined as the only way is actually the right way. We are more than our gender; we are human before anything else and ensuring that each person can live a fulfilling life should never be limited by outdated ideas of manhood. The impact of not allowing men to be who we naturally are without judgement, on top of being expected to carry our struggles without complaint, is damaging. Men’s mental health should not be a taboo subject. Here are five ways we can be more accepting of men’s mental health concerns.
Question the status quo
It’s time to start questioning long-held beliefs and ideologies of what it means to be a man. We should challenge the idea that men who cry or show emotion are weak and be open to exploring new ways of allowing all genders to feel accepted, heard and seen. Allow men to define their own masculinity and stop basing their worth on what they can provide and their strength on how much they can carry without complaint.
Accept that men experience emotions
When it comes to mental health, emotions play a big role in how we handle our feelings. Men are not machines and should not feel ashamed of having or expressing their emotions. Instead, they need to be allowed to work through these feelings without fear of retribution or judgement.
Go further than simply raising awareness
Increasing awareness of men’s mental health and its associated issues is important but real change will not occur until there are tangible steps taken to address the underlying beliefs that stop men from seeking help. It needs to be a natural next step for men struggling with mental health to seek professional help. Placing the pressure on friends and family to adequately address and resolve mental health issues may be too heavy a burden and could even result in damaging consequences.
Provide education through positive examples
We need to provide positive examples of men who are able to talk about their mental health struggles, show emotion in public and acknowledge that seeking help for mental health issues is not only okay but necessary. The media can play a role in this by showing more positive representations of men who can express their struggles without shame and stigma.
Help men see they have a higher purpose
If a man is defined by society’s notion of strength, then what happens when he is at his weakest mentally? Men need to understand this moment of vulnerability does not impact their worth and importance to the world. Addressing your mental health shouldn’t be embarrassing. It should be applauded and seen as a brave act of self-love and understanding.
Breaking the taboo of men’s mental health is important in order to normalise it and provide an environment where men feel safe to talk about their struggles and receive support. Let us all create this space for our fathers, brothers, sons and partners; let us allow them to be vulnerable, let them be human.
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