If you can beat yourself you can beat anything
Upon reflection, I’ve realised that I am my own most formidable critic, doubter, and competitor. As the son of an esteemed football player during his prime, the instinct to excel and triumph seems to be a part of my inheritance. This innate drive has undoubtedly propelled me forward in numerous facets of my life. Yet, the most gruelling challenge I face is the ongoing battle against myself, striving to surpass my own expectations and limitations.
I had never been burdened by jealousy. I am always happy to see others prosper and use it as fuel to go after my own successes. During the peak of the pandemic, however, I was confronted by feelings that made me question the very foundation of my self-assurance. It was a period of introspection where the victories of those around me, rather than motivating, began to cast a shadow of doubt over my own efforts and achievements. I was surrounded by people who were navigating the art of gambling in capital markets and winning. Almost every day, someone would reveal to me that they had hit a new milestone and others were accumulating hundreds of thousands of pounds monthly. Meanwhile, I had been trading the markets for years with meagre returns. I was investing in similar assets but failing to realise the same results.
My lowest point came when someone posted a 3-month return of £400k. Whilst I, on the other hand, was trying to work out which bills to defer until the next month. It was then that I reached an epiphany. This had nothing to do with being jealous. My feelings about their success had nothing to do with them, but everything to do with me. It was my own self-judgments, prior failures, and unresolved disappointments that had found a platform for expression. Then came the tough task of trying to turn this all around.
If this is you, here are 3 essential first steps:
Recognise and own your flaws
In a society that often glorifies perfectionism, we must embrace the undeniable truth that every one of us is inherently flawed. Recognising and admitting our flaws is not an act of weakness but a profound display of strength and self-awareness. For years, my own imperfections went unnoticed, not because they were invisible, but because I chose not to confront them in the mirror. The real issue lies not in possessing flaws – for they are a fundamental aspect of our humanity – but in remaining oblivious to them. Without awareness, we miss the opportunity to address these flaws, to mitigate their impact on our lives and relationships, or to fully understand the unique individuals we become in their presence.
Acknowledging our shortcomings allows us to set realistic goals for self-improvement, developing a healthier relationship with ourselves and setting the stage for genuine growth. It prompts us to question not our worth but our approach, encouraging us to adapt, learn, and evolve.
Outperforming self
Set goals against each flaw and pick your first victim. My number one was self-pity! He’d be standing at the end of the bed each morning, baiting me with flashbacks of how poor and worthless I used to be. I overcame self-pity by wrestling it on my knees in prayer. You see, the bible is blessed with resources to support full and total freedom from the past. I found solace and strength in the spiritual wisdom I gleaned from it, using it as a daily shield against the return of these debilitating thoughts. This journey, underscored by the poignant words of Fearless Soul, reminds me that progress is marked not by a disregard for the past, but by the resolve to not let it define our present or future.
“You know you are on the right track, when you have no interest in looking back.” – Fearless Soul
Stacking your gains
The cumulative impact of your marginal gains can be profound. My dedication to daily improvement, always striving to be better than the day before, marked the turning point in my battle against self-pity. Remember, no one will be as invested in your success as you are. It’s up to you to take action; don’t wait for someone else to come to your rescue.
Christopher McDougall’s analogy beautifully illustrates this mindset: “Every morning a gazelle wakes knowing it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a lion wakes up knowing it must run faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve. Whether you’re a lion or a gazelle – when the sun comes up, you better be running.” This perspective has been a game-changer for me, emphasising the importance of relentless pursuit, regardless of your position in life.
These principles changed the course of my life forever. It has taught me that overcoming one’s self is an ongoing journey, not a finite task. Just as in the animal kingdom, survival and success depend on constant movement and self-improvement. This understanding – that the quest for self-mastery is perpetual – has liberated me from the weight of past failures and propelled me toward a future of limitless potential.In this endeavour, it’s essential to compete with oneself, always striving for improvement, while also practising self-compassion and understanding. The true victory lies in pushing our limits without losing sight of our worth, embracing every step of this unending journey with grace and resilience.
